Shop ‘Til You Drop

by Brandon James Anderson

(Note: The following is a non-qualifying, example entry for our “A Dickens Christmas Contest” by one of our Senior Editors. Enter by Wednesday, December 18, at 11:59 p.m. and you could win a handsome Christmas present from Michiganders Post.)

It was the best of Christmases, it was the worst of Christmases. The tinsel hung tightly and the tree lights shone brightly. As is the nature of the season, stores were packed. And, on this particular weekend, the biggest mall in the biggest town in a sizable providence in a sizable country was no exception.

Upon entering his fifth hour of accompanying his girlfriend throughout the mall’s 437 retailers, one man persisted they call it a day. The man, of average height and weight, insisted the couple had more bags than they could reasonably carry and remained adamant that their time shopping was over.

“One more store,” the woman stated as she walked towards the entrance of what was to be the eleventh shoe store she would visit.

“No,” the man replied, in an almost childish manner. Dropping his share of the bags, he walked over to the edge of the floor’s hallway. Without turning around to see if he had his partner’s attention, the man placed his right leg over the railing. Then his left. With both feet hastily planted on a ledge that held a light fixture he jumped, in a manner nearly as childish as his final utterance.

En route to his landing the man, aged about 40, took several Christmas decorations down with him. Of these decorations only one, a two-foot tall candy cane, shattered.

Conveniently, police had no problem clearing the area as passersby scattered away from the mall upon hearing the thud and seeing the source of the noise. Still, some witnesses on the seventh floor looked over the railing from which the man had leapt. Amateur video footage of the incident, post-landing, was available on YouTube later that evening.

In an effort to bring back consumers many of the retailers, even those located on the megamall’s seventh floor, slashed prices even lower. It was the worst of Christmases, it was the best of Christmases.


One thought on “Shop ‘Til You Drop

  1. Pingback: Not quite “The 12 Days of Christmas” but it’ll do! | The House of Nonsense

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