The Groomzilla Files #3

by Brandon James Anderson

In the months since my fiancée and I have been engaged, I’ve come up with countless ideas for making our wedding unique. Some of them are pipe dreams while others have the potential to become feasible.

For instance, I recently saw this amazing move on Dancing with the Stars and suggested to Alli that I be allowed to incorporate it as we are welcomed by our audience into the reception:

Now, of course, one of the potential drawbacks to spinning through the air as glitter rains down on my guests is the fact that such a move requires substantial upper body strength. Rather than looking as stupendous as Antonio Sabato, Jr., there’s a significant chance that I would either lose my grip or tear the rope and fall to the floor. While this may be a drop of about two to three feet, I would likely also run the risk of needing at least 3-15 minutes to recover.

And let’s say I’ve got the upper body strength of Channing Tatum to pull off the twirling in the air move with both grace and ease; there is still the issue of the cost of these ideas I keep coming up with. Naturally, this too is something else to which I’ve given a lot of thought. And my solution is simple: corporate sponsorship.

We love to complain about advertising being everywhere, yet as a society we accepted its place in our everyday lives long ago. College athletes who don’t get paid a dime are led by coaches who get paid millions of dollars to give press conferences in front of makeshift backdrops displaying logos for AT&T, Toyota, and Farm Bureau Insurance.

There are a number of ways to go about this. I could go all out and have corporate logos sewn into my tuxedo though that may somehow be seen as tacky by some. Despite the added funds that would be generated by dressing up like a classy Jeff Gordon, I would want all eyes on me because people were in awe of natural charm and brilliance not because I look like a billboard.

Alternatively, the corporate sponsorship doesn’t have to be boldly obvious. It could be as subtle and simple as passing out programs that read “Alli and Brandon October 3, 2015: Presented by Sour Cream and Cheddar Baked Ruffles.”

Besides providing the funding required of some of my other wedding ideas, corporate sponsorship could even bring an air of credibility to the big day. Just imagine someone setting foot into the reception and seeing the beautifully decorated venue with its the elegant lighting and then seeing a freshly polished hardwood dancefloor with the Target red bullseye in the middle. “Oh wow, Target is sponsoring this? Damn! This is a big deal.” is likely to be that person’s first thought.

Ultimately, isn’t “Damn!”  the reaction every groom wants on his special day?


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